Mama Always Be Teaching

This has been the year from hell, in many ways than one.  I haven't had so much drama around me in all my 39 yrs on this earth. 

I wrote Mama Always Be Teaching three years ago.  Now we have found out perhaps what the problem is.

What do you do when a loved one doesn't believe anything is wrong and is not willing to seek help?  Please pray for our family.  We need it.

And she pleaded, Don't Cut Your Hair

My Sisterlocks are well known at my school, more amongst the students than the teachers.  In class, I get to educate the students about my hair, natural hair, types of locks, and especially the care and maintenance.  Boys and girls alike of all races ask lots of questions.

We had picture re-takes this past Thursday and on Monday night, I called myself shampooing, oiling (this Texas weather is crazy) and bantuing my locks to have a nice snazzy style for my pics and to have a good 6yr photo.  Well, I got tired/lazy and only bantu'd the front.  I didn't take a picture of what it looked like, because my camera is dead, but the kids immediately noticed the curls up front.  As usual, my AA boys and girls, mostly, "Ms. E., your I like your hair!"  They love, love, love, when I curl my locks or do something different other than free style.  I don't blame em.  I guess looking at me could get a little boring day after day with little or no changes other than wardrobe.

Two of my female students walked by looking in amazement commented how different my locks looked.  I swear, only the front 4 inches back were curly.  The back was pulled up into a pony tail, that oddly looked awfully long down my back that day.  One said, "Would you cut off your locks?"   I said, "I've thought about it and I might."  The other jumped in, "Don't cut off your hair!  They're so long!"  This one rarely talks, but had something to say about my pondering of cutting my locks.  Mind you both girls have perms, which they actually keep up and pulled back in ponys nicely.

But, there's something about long hair.  And I think as well, there's something about knowing that the long hair a black girl/woman sees as real, meaning that person's hair, is amazing.  I'm not going to lie, when I look at pictures of my locks or see the back in the mirror, I am truly amazed.  You have to  understand, I've had hair care drama my ENTIRE life.  Even before I knew what hair meant to me as a little black girl, I found out the hard way.

If you see how my hair looked straight, or with a bald fade, or with my Q-Braid extensions, you'd know it's been a journey.  From Day # 1 with my Sisterlocks to today, has been quite a journey.  So those of you who have daughters, neices, cousins, friends, don't preach, just model before them the love you have for your locks and having natural hair.  Show them you can be sexy, confident, educated, accomplished, and beautiful with your hair in its natural state.  And even if I decide to cut my locks one day, I do have the confidence to know it will indeed grow back as long as I want it to.

Those of you who teach or are around young children, especially girls, what has been your experience with them and your locks?  Please share.

Negro - The N Word - Jonathan Emil McCoy

Take heed and be blessed.

Now this is what I'm talkin' 'bout - The Truth, London Style

Tell it Chi!


510

Turning the Titanic Around- Black Hair Care

Since teaching at a school with such a high concentration of black students, I'll be doing some research over the holidays to find websites and videos to share information about black hair, hair care, natural vs. relaxed, and the industry for my kids, especially the girls to check out.

We have a lot of store front Asian owned hair supply stores in Waco as most small and large cities do as long as there is a decent population of blacks to fork over their hard earned money to. And yes as the videos below display the community in which these stores serve are often poor, depressed and economically disadvantaged.

I know when I was a hair care junkie, whenever I went into, and still if I did today, the beauty supply shops, there was a low interest from the staff in giving me products to help my hair, but instead a high interest in them selling me whatever. I will say that when I lived in Houston, my favorite hair supply store which was in the Hobby area on 8326 Broadway St., was owned by an African gentleman. ANAN Beauty Supply. He was wonderful and extremely helpful and honest about making suggestions for my haircare needs. He had lots of supplies and hair, so I'm thinking he had no problem getting product from the distributors. The videos below are from a few I searched and found this morning on youtube. Thank you Karen Halliburton, for sharing your website as well. Very informative.



And so BOBSA was formed.











The struggle in London as well.



Nappy Roots Documentary




Some of my girls are so "fogged" in their self perception, it's nothing for them to walk up and down the hallways with their hair alllll over their head. They are getting better about not walking around with a comb stuck in their hair. I will tell them in a second that that's "Ghetto". I tell them, "You are a princess" and ask them to kindly remove the comb from their hair. If I can just get them to become "aware" that they can be seen and that they are not isolated. So in one way they are image conscious, and in another way, they aren't.

It's weird because one of the boys was commenting in a very direct manner to one of the girls in class about how her hair was breaking off and that she was becoming bald headed. He told her to "do something" with her hair. The sad part about it was, he was telling the truth. The sadder part about it was, she was trying to do something about it. She is one of mine who has the comb in her hair daily, yet her hair is all over her head. I saw how helpless you looked trying to defend herself, rebutting to him that she was gonna get a perm. My heart sank.

The kids look at my locks and some admire them, but have no clue or idea of how they can get to the place I am in. Jen and I discussed investing in one young lady who's a good braider and getting her trained in SLs and have her help the revolution begin here in Waco. I really believe if they knew what to do, they would do it. I know these girls are tired of damaging their hair at their young tender ages already, but do not know how to get out of this trap. Until then, they will just do what they see in the videos, in the magazines, and among each other, all the while for those who can't take care if it, will continue ruining their hair. My question to the online natural hair community is how do we become an agent for change? Do we just complain about what we see, or do we do something about it?

Guess who I met in Maryland?

I will blog about the entire DC trip before the week is up, but I didn't want to go too long without sharing that I got a visit to the hotel the night before we departed from two LHBE blogger sistahs in the DC area. Ms. Ayankha and Ms. Sunsail! I called Sunsail and she called Ayankha and we then made plans to meet up. It was such a blessing to finally meet them. Next time I'll have to meet the rest of the DC/MD ladies.

You know the first thing we did after hugging each other was to dig in each other's hair! You would have thought it was a high school, college, sorority reunion. We all have different hair textures and are in different stages of our lock journey, so it was very special to have some of the girls on the trip see Sisterlocks up close on someone else's head other than mine. I got plenty of flack from them about nappy hair being ugly so most weren't feeling my locks. As I've stated before, Waco is braid, weave, perm city.

When they saw the three of us together, they were mesmerized with what they saw. The ladies were a delight. We talked about blogging, school, our hair, their SOs and other random topics. Next time Ayankha and Sunsail, I'll have to make a trip where I have the freedom to get out and about so ya'll can show me the town. Ya'll know you need to go ahead and have a natural hair gathering ASAP! But for now, I'm happy for the fellowship we shared.

These kids, boys and girls a like were super exposed to the world of real natural hair and locs. Most all boys and girls alike were encurlturated (my made up word) on the difference between traditional locs, loc extensions, Sisterlocks, freeformed locks, twists, etc. I had my Sisterlock journals passing them around as well as the No Lye book, by Tulani Kinard. The biggest immersion they experienced was Sunday afternoon in Hanover, MD at the BLVD., for those of you who know where that shopping strip is. Now ya'll know black folks on a Sunday afternoon...Church goers too tired to or desiring not to cook piled into Golden Coral. And I tell you it was locks, locs, locz galore. From men, to women, in all shapes and sized. They kept saying, "Miss Evans, what are those? Are those Tradional, Sisterlocks? Freeform? His locs are sexy (referring to a brother who's traditionals were tight)." It's like over time, they softened up about the idea of wearing natural hair. There were lots of younger brothers with locks to and past their shoulders. Now there were some folks who had their locks pretty unkept (mostly men). But it was their total package that displayed such a site. Most everyone else had their locs in check. I had to remind the kids that for every kind of hair style, you have some jacked up looks, perms, naturals, whatever.

The big question was, "If you don't want it anymore, you have to cut it off, right?" I kept telling them that if they had a perm and decided they didn't want a perm anymore, they'd simply cut the perm off, with regard to those of us who lock. That seemed to shut them up. When it rained or they went swimming, it took a toll on lots of the girls' hair. I kept smiling and reminding them that benefits to having locked hair was freedom from "wet hair" drama.

I'm just glad they were exposed. Mind you, you can count on both hands the number of locked folks in Waco, Tx. So this was a big for many of them. One thing I did learn was that it will take more information, self-love and positive expression naturally to turn the titanic mentality around with all generations.

Nappy Headed...and the Gender Crisis

I have a Fotki Photo Album and believe it or not, there's a whole nother world of naturals in that community that rarely mix with the world of bloggers. I enjoy checking in on my fotki friends and we leave comments in each other's albums just like the blogger family.

One Fotki friend in particular, TrifleMC posted a question that I saw, but didn't recognize as a deliberate question to who ever wanted to respond. I decided with all this "Nappy Headed" talk going on, I'd respond to him via my blog.

His photo post is in reference to his birthmark being something that drew negative attention to him in his youth because of ridicule by those who found him to look "different". His post and question is Here.

The question he asked was...

So tell me...What is yours from birth, only cherished now?
Here's my response:

Well, I guess it is my hair, mostly for starters. My mom didn't take care of my hair when I was a child. I was the last (baby girl) and I guess she just ran out of steam or was so depressed from having the four of us (two boys and two girls) within a 4 1/2 yrs time span. She just let go of her responsibilities and was a bit overwhelmed, IMO. I have pics where all you see is the cute little "nappy headed" boy with a big ole' smile all the time. It was me, not a boy. An older white gentleman walked up to me when we were heading into the grocery store and said to my mom, "You have the cutest little boy!" I said, at a tender age of 4 or 5, "I'm not a little boy, I'm a girl!!!!" I never forgot that. I didn't take notice that I could be perceived as a different gender until someone made me aware of it.

Now don't get me wrong, who at a young age in the mid 70's would really look forward to sitting in a hot kitchen for a couple of hours, stove burning, hair sizzling over the open fire and an occasional "Psttt!! You burned me!!" before getting popped on the shoulder and scolded with "Be still" or "You moved!"? It's enough to make a young black girl do some self loathing.

There's no mistaking, I didn't have the most manageable hair. But, it seems to me that after I had this uninvited gender crisis, I was on a mission to never be called out of my gender. I was a girl! I knew what boys looked like and what made boys boys and I knew I was a girl. I demanded to get my ears pierced and I wanted big loopy earrings, like to ladies with the big afros on Soul Train wore when they did the Soul Train Line. So mom numbed my ears with some wooden cloths pins and some ice cubes and in went the sewing needle burned at the end. It was pain I was willing to endure. I picked my own matching wooden stubs off the broom for my "temporary" ear rings. Looking back on it, boy was my Mom country. But it was all worth it, so I thought. I wanted to never be confused with a smelly little boy.

My saving grace was I was a "girly" girl. I loved the colors pink and purple, Tuesday Taylor Barbie dolls and doing "girl" stuff. So then I decided that I'd endure the pain of getting burnt on the ear or sitting for a few hours in the hot kitchen hearing my own hair sizzling on the stove top that it was like my secured rights of passage to remain a girl! I then demanding to get my hair pressed, curled, corn-rolled (although it wasn't long enough for cornrolls), twigged (it was long enough for that). I remember harassing my Mom aggressively right before we took school pictures (see slideshow). That was really important to me. By the time I was nine I'd entered the world of the Jheri Curl.

Now the pain went from a sizzling hot comb to a cool bizarre smelling cream that now sizzled my scalp and yes, still my ears! "When will the pain end?" I thought. Let's not talk about the "drip drip" stay so soft spray and plastic bag and all that that went with having a processed curl. It's funny because looking back, the goal at hand was to have my hair grow. And with a curl, it did, which took some of the pressure off.

But it still didn't keep Whitman Mayo, AKA Grady (see slideshow) from calling me a boy while he gave a fundraiser speech for Sickle Cell Anemia Association in town in 1981. I was invited to the dinner and was representing the YWCA youth group. He was giving the speech and was making a point about children. I must have been the only child there, and he kept saying "Hey boy! I'm talking to you!" I knew he was talking to me. The lady I was with along with everyone else knew he was talking to me. I tried to ignore him cause I kept telling myself I wasn't no boy! Finally someone closer to him said, "That's not a little boy, sir. That's a little girl." He apologized on the mic and was deeply embarrassed. Afterwards, he made sure he called me up to apologize. That's why there's a picture (see slideshow). You could see the hurt in his eyes, even in the picture. He kept saying he'd give me whatever I wanted and how he just didn't know. He kept saying how sorry he was. I guess by that time, I was already used to it. So, I brushed it off, and climbed on his knee and took a picture with him. Years had gone by but I never forgot. About the time of me getting my Sisterlocks, I thought I'd catch up with him, and send him a picture of us back then, and a current picture of me, but it was too late. He'd already passed away in 2001.

So, without going into an extensive "my hair story", with getting Sisterlocks almost 3 1/2 years ago, I'm learning to cherish the nappy natural hair God gave me. It's been a journey of almost 30+ years of trying to get free. I'm a lot better off than where I started. I just wish the consciousness and opportunity to proudly wear our hair in it's natural state was universally accepted years ago. And we now know there's still this stigma about having "Nappy Headed" hair.

A MUST SEE Video!

OK, one of my dear line sisters sent me a forward a day or so ago and although it was a forward which I usually don't open from folks, I knew she had to be sending me something intentionally. It was. Well, in case you haven't seen this video, please click on the link to A Girl Like Me.

Now, some of you may have seen this, and some of you perhaps have not. I still have a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach from watching what I only feared was true. This young lady, who's only 16 yrs old filmed this mini-documentary about black girls and beauty. I have to gather myself before I respond totally to what I saw. It hurt and stung at the same time. I've been there, done that in more ways than I care to remember or recall. But...if we tell our black selves the truth, we know it's REAL. I thank God for everyone who's telling their story in their blogs, because the more sistahs share what they have gone through and how free they are since releasing themselves to love their natural selves, the better!!! This is reason enough for anyone who's made the transition to write about it and share it with the world.

Here's another link on Mahagohny Butterfly called Fighting For Our Joy, which has photos and a forum for discussion about self-esteem in black girls.

May we continue to pray for natural black beauty and self love.

Maryee

India Arie's Video~I Am Not My Hair

With so many locversaries and more movements to totally embrace our natural selves, I had to hunt down the video for India Arie's "Sistah Girl Hair Anthem" I Am Not My Hair. http://www.youtube.com saved the day.

Since I'm like Brunsli and my sister Jen, who do not watch TV, this was actually my first time seeing the video. I heard the song on line and read the lyrics, but tonight was able to see and hear. So, Blaqkofi and everyone else celebrating Natural Freedom, enjoy!!! For the lyrics, Click on Blaqkofi's name.

Reflections on Going Natural and Getting Locked

This was an "essay" I posted in Lockitup back in July. I thought I'd share it on my blog. Straight from the heart!

Most women want to have natural hair, locks, twists and the whole nine, but as many of us have experienced on our own, we initially allowed misconceptions and other people's perception of us and themselves cloud our decision-making process. You can add to the list, but as I reflect, when I first wanted to get my hair locked five years ago, there were a variety of things that plagued my thoughts. Some of you may or may not have experienced some of the things I did. A lot of the drama occurred in my own mind.

I thought…

1. My hair was nappy, which equated to a negative perception of myself.
2. Braids were acceptable, because they didn't make my hair appear so "nappy" (I even permed the edges so my hair would match the synthetic or human hair). Deep huh?
3. I wanted to feel good about myself with the way I looked and going natural didn't give me that kind of motivation, desire or feeling.
4. I didn't want to endure the stares, questions and opinions of others if I went natural. As we all know anytime we change any look others are used to seeing us in, there is always potential opposition.
5. I didn't think I would look "pretty" or "nice" or "neat" with natural hair.
6. More so than our non-black counterparts, the grief mostly came from family and friends.
7. I remember when I first got my hair two strand twisted, everyone just “stared”. They didn’t know what to say as to not offend me with their opinion of my hair style. Maybe it was a Texas thing.
8. The curse of wanting straight hair because it was more "socially" acceptable always lurked into my thoughts.
9. I did not have a healthy understanding or appreciation of my natural roots, no pun intended. :-)
10. I looked in the mirror and when I saw nappy roots or edges, I considered my hair and myself ugly, unattractive, and unappealing.
11. Looking in magazines and on TV, the percentage of permed straight hair out weighed natural styles, with the exception of braids (with other people's hair in my head).
12. I was scared and fearful of the potential outcome, especially if I didn't like it.
13. I was afraid of rejection by others.
14. I was not willing to endure the suffering (growing pains) while the change was occurring.
15. Although I saw my sister with dreadlocks for like ten years+, it never occurred to me I could have the same freedom although I longed for it.
16. I knew that at some point I would go completely natural, and each step I made moved me to the next level. So I wore braids with natural hair underneath for years.
17. I saw the spirit and confidence of others who wore natural styles and I felt like I was left out.
18. When I saw sisters and brothers alike who wore dreds, locks, or natural styles, they seemed more in tune with themselves (their spirit) and less pretentious.
19. Having friends or family say, "Girl, your hair is nappy, you need a perm" or "why don't you just get a texturizer", or whatever always seemed to urk me. It was like I cramped their style because I wanted my hair to be natural.
20. Although I knew how much drudgery was involved in getting my hair braided, unbraided, finding a good braider, taking care of my hair in it's natural state, I kept braids in for over ten years all the while watching my hair thin out on top with only my fear and laziness to blame.

Now I threw this list together from just freethinking. There were probably more things I struggled with to get me over the hump and getting on with life concerning my "hair care drama", or as my sister Jen calls it, "chemical dependency". It took a series of steps to get me to where I am today, and boy am I thankful.

As women we ought to do ourselves a favor and begin to tell ourselves the truth about how we feel about ourselves. I guess the question is, "Where is the love?" Can we love ourselves no matter what state we are in? Can we tell ourselves the truth and if the truth is a "lie", meaning that we are lying to ourselves, can we face that "lye" head on and tell the truth? I don't know, but I'm thankful that the closer I get to "Truth", the more free I be! Freedom has it's privileges, don't you think?

T.W.'s reply in lockitup:

I think you just about covered the myriad of feelings we all went through before
making the BIG decision to get SLs. Even now I have those moments when I feel
"less than ____" (fill in the blank with "attractive" "accepted" "socially
acceptable" or whatever) because of my hair. But believe me those moments
quickly dissipate and are becoming far and few between. But then too I see the
sistas with the perms and long braids or weaves parading around, flicking their
hair and putting on a front that they are "attractive" "accepted" whatever, but
I have to admit I feel a tinge of pity for them because I see them as being fake
just like the white girls with the collagen lips. "C'mon, you and everybody else
knows you weren't born that way," I want to say to them. Even my 71-year old
mother, bless her heart, told me she just didn't feel attractive when she wore
her hair in a TWA. She'd rather press the mess out of it and have it laying greased and stuck to her head in, what I would never tell her, is really the most unattractive look, always concerned about the weather making it "go back". Umph, umph, umph.

I may have my moments of feeling "less than", but it is a better feeling than
the way I used to feel when I would get compliments on my weave or braided
styles. I always felt insincere and awkward saying "Thank you." Now when I get
compliments on my SL's a very sincere "Thank you" seems to come from somewhere
else in my being. I'm me the way God intended. Those who have problems with my
natural look.....that's just it....their problem.

Dreaded Word-Nap Politics in the Church

"spottedcatwomen"wrote:
I went to church today with my Sisterlocks wild and free. I was so
proud of myself for making it to church. During the service the
preacher mentioned the importance of ones appearance. He said," Why
would you look for a job with dreadlocks, sagging pants...etc" The
back of my neck became hot...LOL.

Is anyone else considering keeping their SLs above their shoulders?


Hey Eve,

I want mine to grow at this point just to see how long they can get.
I've always had short hair for whatever reason. When I had my hair
braided, I loved putting it up in a ponytail and getting it out of my
face. I look forward to doing the same thing with my OWN hair and not
any I bought from the Asian Beauty Supply shop.

As far as looking for a job in "dredlocks", the pastor probably still
needs some educating. You can have a perm and still show up looking
inappropriate for anyone to hire. The last job I was on, I worked for
an international management consulting firm. My locks had no negative
impact on me doing business with presidents and owners of companies.
All they saw was a very confident and professional looking sister
sitting down doing business with them. I could tell in how they
treated me with much respect and professionalism.

There are benefits in having Sisterlocks. Our attitude reflects our
beauty, our confidence exudes our self-assuredness, our pep in our
step with our head held high, truly reveals our pride. So, I'm
thankful that I have my Sisterlocks and hope that we all present that
peace, love and joy that we get from the true freedom from bondage.
If we don't look and act free, why would anyone want what we have?
Me, I'm a be free!!! Thanks for sharing!

Maryee
SL'd almost 20 months

http://www.maryee.com