Lockitup - Lots of Emails coming into your inbox or cell phone?

I've had this happen to me and on occasion, I'll have someone email me asking me to discontinue their relationship with the LHBE because of the insane amounts of emails they get in their inbox or cell phone.  The problem with that request is, the emails are not coming from the LHBE.

I think a lot of times when folks start researching natural hair, and especially Sisterlocks, they are directed to either lockitup, which I often refer folks to, or the the Locked Hair Blog Exchange.  The main difference between the two is, the LHBE is not interactive, per se.  There's not a lot of back and forth posting and multiple posts about folks updates and hair issues and the such.  Lockitup, on the other hand is par for the course. 

Here's my recent response to a sister who wanted to make the emails flooding her blackberry go away:

They are not coming from the LHBE, but rather lockitup.  That's the yahoo group you must have signed up for around the same time you became a member of the LHBE.  I'm a member of  lockitup and used to get all those emails as well. 

In order to reduce/eliminate all the emails, all you have to do is go into your yahoo account and click on "groups".  From there click on lockitup.  Then click on edit membership, where it has the title of the group and your email address.  There, you scroll down to step 2 and choose your message delivery.  I chose "special notices" because those daily emails drop from 30 to 0, and one every blue moon.  HTH.

Just know the emails are not from the LHBE, but lockitup.  If you have any other trouble, email me back. 

Blessings,

Maryee

Are You New To The Natural Hair Blogging Community?

I was asked off-line how to "join-in" on the fun from a person who's new to the online blogging community. Less than two years ago, there were only a few folks actively blogging about their natural hair. Now the online blogging community is growing by the day. Do a Sisterlocks Blog Search and see what I mean. Here's my own personal tips for those beginning the blogging journey. Others may have a different opinion:

Invitation? There's no real "invitation" to join in on the online blog community of natural/locked women/men. The Locked Hair Blog Exchange is by invitation if you'd like your locked hair blog in the Exchange, but for all other groups, you sign up and you're in. A lot of Sisterlocked women began their online connection from what I gather, from three main places: The Yahoo Group Lockitup, on Fotki, and the other largest community of natural hair/locked women, Nappturality. The relationships form as you post your questions and give feedback on other's journeys or your own. If you haven't joined these groups, do so ASAP and begin making comments. Spend time reading the archives, for they will provide a lot of answers to questions you have.

Making your blog a place folks want to visit. The online locked hair community wants to see pictures, pictures, pictures. And believe it or not, getting a good look at your hair is more important than seeing your face. Take good shots in good lighting so your hair can be seen. If it's not a good picture, don't waste your time uploading it.

"We be" an educated group of folk. Most of the bloggers are educated and don't enjoy visiting blogs where there's a lot of slang, typos and just plain bad grammar going on. We all have "slang" moments, but when the blog shows no form of intelligence, it may hamper visitors who will return. Although I will say there's a small niche of folk who dig that stuff. Ask yourself, if you'd enjoy reading your posts and looking at your own pictures a week, month, or year from now. That will help you in determining if posting the content or pictures is worth it. I have quite a few "drafted" posts that I didn't want to delete, but didn't feel needed to be public on my blog for whatever reason.

Keeping it current, will keep them coming. Or maybe not. Keeping your blog fairly current helps. When you are new out, don't expect because you keep your blog current that folks should be visiting it or commenting on what you have to say. You may not have readers yet, but don't stop blogging. However, when a blog isn't updated regularly it's a natural progression to stop visiting it. Trust me, I have a few dormant blogs that need major updating, so I know! I don't even visit my own old stale blogs! Ha! But seriously, try and update regularly. So as to not overwhelm you, regularly doesn't mean once a day. Once a week is just fine, and if time is an issue, once a month. Just try and keep it current.

You've found some blogs you like. What do you do next? Comment, Comment, Comment! Don't ask for comments back, but simply comment on what you like and what you're curious about. That's how the ball gets rolling. It lets one know you've been by to check out their blog/album and liked what you saw. Anyone who's interested in you and your journey will naturally visit your blog/album and comment back. Don't be offended if no one comments or if you comment on someone's blog/fotki and he or she don't return the favor. We never know why folks do or don't do the things they do and there's no use in being over sensitive about it or quivering over it. Try not to take offense or over analyze the situation. Just keep visiting blogs you like and comment on what interests you.

To link or not to link? That is the question. Don't worry about asking to "link" someone else's blog to yours. It's a courtesy to ask, but not really necessary. Most bloggers are honored you've linked to their blogs and that keeps them motivated to blog more often. Don't be offended if you link to someone's blog but they don't link yours back. You linked to theirs because you chose to. Give them that same courtesy to make their own decision to link you and if they don't link you, don't trip. Some folks may be too lazy (like me), too busy(like me) or simply choose not to for their own reasons (like Jen-she told me to add that :-)). Some may not want tons of links on their blogs. Some may not know how to link. Some don't want the pressure or bother. Don't lose sleep over it.

Why link? Linking other's blog to yours helps in search engines as well as gives one a quick reference to their blogs of choice. Blog rolling is helpful also because you can put all your favorite blogs in your blogline and update your settings to show only updated posts in the blogs. That's nice and cuts down on wasted time revisiting someone else's blog only to find out they haven't updated it. Bummer. Us avid bloggers/blog readers can be so demanding. :-)

Everything is "self-selecting" and hopefully not guilt filled when it comes to sharing in the online blog community. Folks will comment if they want to and if they choose not to, that's their prerogative. Some online relationships come fast, and others it takes a while. In some cases, no relationship will come no matter how much you want it, and that's ok, too. It's like seeing that person you'd wish would just acknowledge your presence, and ask you to join in their circle, but they never even notice you. It's like that some times. Nothing to lose sleep over. It's called "Life".

The Whole World Can See You. Remember that your blog can be viewed by the entire world so use discretion in what you say and share. Especially personal info, job related stuff, and anything else that can be used against you in a court of law! If you want to be semi-anonymous, use an online name. Some folks only show pictures of their hair, and block their faces out, which is just fine. Employers/Job Recruiters can google you so make sure you are aware of what you say. Unfortunately there are some real mean folks out there and blogging is a very open and vulnerable venue in which a lot of "you" is shared with the masses. Just be aware and careful.

Watch out for Crazies, including yourself. Unfortunately there will be some bloggers new to the scene who visit other's blogs just to start confusion. I've seen it before and thankfully have experienced it rarely in my blogs. They probably didn't read this blog post or researched on line about how to conduct yourself as a blogger who has blog nettiquite. If you stumble upon a blog that you don't like, do yourself a favor and #1 DO NOT comment on what you don't like, and #2 NEVER visit that blog again. For the most part, the bloggers won't know how you feel, and it's best to just keep it to yourself. Don't go visiting someone's blog to "check" them. Leave them alone. There have been some ugly "cyber cat fights" on line and it's just a shame and a hot mess. If you are a rabble rouser in public, then I'm sure you're gonna start mess on line. Some folks just like drama and have no problem seeking on line. Go back and look at your blog, and if it has more of a negative, complaining, antagonistic spirit about it, you must know that "out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth (blog) speaks". So watch out for Crazies, including yourself.

Maryee's last piece of advice. If you really want to document your journey on line for others to see, do it! If it's with conditions that you must have "relationships"/Comments to keep you motivated in doing it, then you must check your motives. If you want comments, simply invite those who visit your blog to do so...no pressure. One of the craziest things I've done is visit someone's blog and actually comment in my head but find I'm too tired/lazy to sign on to comment. I'm super busy and zip in and zip out without commenting sometimes. I then re-visit their blogs later and could have "sworn" I commented, but I didn't cause I did it in my head and not in their blog. That always weirds me out!

Why blog? Blog because it's therapeutic for you and you want to chart your growth in all areas of your life. Blog because you are a budding writer and want to hone your craft. Blog because you are tapping into your creative juices and getting real good at technology along the way. Blog because you really want to chart your hair journey. Blog because you want to meet some "like-minded" people on line world wide and need the support and inspiration. Blog to make new friends. Blog to let friends and family see your hair growth and pictures. What ever the case, blog because you want to have fun! But remember, blogging takes work and a bit of commitment. The nicest blogs didn't get that way overnight. Those bloggers "added" a new room to their house, called a "blog". And they've been working on it to make it just right to suit their tastes and all who visit their humble abode. Oh yeah, there's also a Myspace community of Sisterlockers and on FaceBook. Let the revolution begin!!!!!!! Happy Blogging!!!

For more tips on blogging for beginners, check out this link.

Thin locks-Permed edges coming back to haunt me!

Not sure if ya'll remember or not, but a year ago to the day (1-6-05) I posted a question about my locks in Lockitup. I had a few thin locks along the front hairline. I didn't have the problem anywhere else except right along the edges of the front of my hair.

I posted these pictures for folks to take a look at and provide feedback:

Maryee's Thin hair photos

For those of you who are members of Lockitup, you can check out the archive here and here with everyone's feedback. That will cut back on me having to cut and paste and "retype" stuff in my blog. A few group members, consultants and all sent me questions and inquiries about my eating habits, shampooing techniques, and a whole bunch of other stuff. The locks looked brittle and thin and for the most part "eaten" off. Well just the other day I found another one of those locks up front on my head and half of the lock was missing. Well, I thought,there's nothing I can do about hair that fell off "I don't know when". About a week ago I was up late updating my blog with photos from the beginning of my journey and then it occurred to me. My hair is damaged from the dreaded "perm" along my edges back in the day. As off is it seemed, I still couldn't reconcile having synthetic or human hair braided into my hair with my "nappy roots" showing. So for the longest, I would perm my hair all around the nape so it would be "straight" and "match" the "other people's hair". The rest of the hair remained in it's natural state. Well about a month ago my mom and I read all the way through Sandy's journey on her website (me trying to convince her to get Sisterlocks) and saw the part where Sandy showed damage from having perms and the affect it had on her having healthy mature locks in some spots. The light went off in my mind and I remembered reading her story. My hair is suffering from the damage of perming my edges.

*The above was written a week ago. The below was written today. Same story, but written differently.

Well here it is. The damage from me perming my edges because of my past insecurities with having "nappy" edges. I had a whole head full of good and nappy hair, but I'd perm the edges so my "synthetic or human" hair would match when I got my hair braided, crocheted, weaved, etc.

Now after trying my level best to figure out why my hair up front was so ratty and damaged it came to me after reflecting on a journal entry Sandy made on her website. I posted my questions to the group a good minute ago and everyone from fellow SL'rs to consultants quizzed me on my diet, my care techniques, the type and amount of water I used, etc. trying to help me figure out why my hair was damaged.

I then reposted my epiphany moment a week ago about what the problem was. It wasn't my diet, the type of water or amount I used, or any "care" I was taking. It was the residual effects of having permed roots. Oh the grief!

Well now I know and I can show all those who may have to same problem and can't figure out what the deal it, what it is. For those who are still living the "lye", you will find that when freedom comes, you will still have a price or two to pay. The photo above on the left is a picture of one of my damaged lock. Poor baby. It must have broken off, "I don't know when." The lock photo (top right) is a little bit healthier and of course longer. The two photos below with the towel covering my forehead show you the difference/damage clearer. For now, I'll just watch the damaged locks die a slow death and hopefully healthier chemical free locks will replace them.

The deepest part about the photos and what my hair up front has experienced is the fact that the photos you see of the damaged lock has absolutely no dye. It's all "my" natural hair. This means that the hair you see now is 100% new growth from when I got my locks put in and the new growth has had to suffer under the "lye". There's something to learn about that. Even when you break from from slavery, that doesn't free you from still suffering in one way or another from your past.

Reflections on Going Natural and Getting Locked

This was an "essay" I posted in Lockitup back in July. I thought I'd share it on my blog. Straight from the heart!

Most women want to have natural hair, locks, twists and the whole nine, but as many of us have experienced on our own, we initially allowed misconceptions and other people's perception of us and themselves cloud our decision-making process. You can add to the list, but as I reflect, when I first wanted to get my hair locked five years ago, there were a variety of things that plagued my thoughts. Some of you may or may not have experienced some of the things I did. A lot of the drama occurred in my own mind.

I thought…

1. My hair was nappy, which equated to a negative perception of myself.
2. Braids were acceptable, because they didn't make my hair appear so "nappy" (I even permed the edges so my hair would match the synthetic or human hair). Deep huh?
3. I wanted to feel good about myself with the way I looked and going natural didn't give me that kind of motivation, desire or feeling.
4. I didn't want to endure the stares, questions and opinions of others if I went natural. As we all know anytime we change any look others are used to seeing us in, there is always potential opposition.
5. I didn't think I would look "pretty" or "nice" or "neat" with natural hair.
6. More so than our non-black counterparts, the grief mostly came from family and friends.
7. I remember when I first got my hair two strand twisted, everyone just “stared”. They didn’t know what to say as to not offend me with their opinion of my hair style. Maybe it was a Texas thing.
8. The curse of wanting straight hair because it was more "socially" acceptable always lurked into my thoughts.
9. I did not have a healthy understanding or appreciation of my natural roots, no pun intended. :-)
10. I looked in the mirror and when I saw nappy roots or edges, I considered my hair and myself ugly, unattractive, and unappealing.
11. Looking in magazines and on TV, the percentage of permed straight hair out weighed natural styles, with the exception of braids (with other people's hair in my head).
12. I was scared and fearful of the potential outcome, especially if I didn't like it.
13. I was afraid of rejection by others.
14. I was not willing to endure the suffering (growing pains) while the change was occurring.
15. Although I saw my sister with dreadlocks for like ten years+, it never occurred to me I could have the same freedom although I longed for it.
16. I knew that at some point I would go completely natural, and each step I made moved me to the next level. So I wore braids with natural hair underneath for years.
17. I saw the spirit and confidence of others who wore natural styles and I felt like I was left out.
18. When I saw sisters and brothers alike who wore dreds, locks, or natural styles, they seemed more in tune with themselves (their spirit) and less pretentious.
19. Having friends or family say, "Girl, your hair is nappy, you need a perm" or "why don't you just get a texturizer", or whatever always seemed to urk me. It was like I cramped their style because I wanted my hair to be natural.
20. Although I knew how much drudgery was involved in getting my hair braided, unbraided, finding a good braider, taking care of my hair in it's natural state, I kept braids in for over ten years all the while watching my hair thin out on top with only my fear and laziness to blame.

Now I threw this list together from just freethinking. There were probably more things I struggled with to get me over the hump and getting on with life concerning my "hair care drama", or as my sister Jen calls it, "chemical dependency". It took a series of steps to get me to where I am today, and boy am I thankful.

As women we ought to do ourselves a favor and begin to tell ourselves the truth about how we feel about ourselves. I guess the question is, "Where is the love?" Can we love ourselves no matter what state we are in? Can we tell ourselves the truth and if the truth is a "lie", meaning that we are lying to ourselves, can we face that "lye" head on and tell the truth? I don't know, but I'm thankful that the closer I get to "Truth", the more free I be! Freedom has it's privileges, don't you think?

T.W.'s reply in lockitup:

I think you just about covered the myriad of feelings we all went through before
making the BIG decision to get SLs. Even now I have those moments when I feel
"less than ____" (fill in the blank with "attractive" "accepted" "socially
acceptable" or whatever) because of my hair. But believe me those moments
quickly dissipate and are becoming far and few between. But then too I see the
sistas with the perms and long braids or weaves parading around, flicking their
hair and putting on a front that they are "attractive" "accepted" whatever, but
I have to admit I feel a tinge of pity for them because I see them as being fake
just like the white girls with the collagen lips. "C'mon, you and everybody else
knows you weren't born that way," I want to say to them. Even my 71-year old
mother, bless her heart, told me she just didn't feel attractive when she wore
her hair in a TWA. She'd rather press the mess out of it and have it laying greased and stuck to her head in, what I would never tell her, is really the most unattractive look, always concerned about the weather making it "go back". Umph, umph, umph.

I may have my moments of feeling "less than", but it is a better feeling than
the way I used to feel when I would get compliments on my weave or braided
styles. I always felt insincere and awkward saying "Thank you." Now when I get
compliments on my SL's a very sincere "Thank you" seems to come from somewhere
else in my being. I'm me the way God intended. Those who have problems with my
natural look.....that's just it....their problem.

What a woman's hair says about her

Since I have a blog pretty much devoted to Sisterlocks, I decided to go back into the archives of our on-line yahoo group, lockitup and pull all my "essays" out and put em' in my blog. I figure if I'm gonna write a book one day, I might as well keep all my research and info in one place. So, with that being said, my first "essay" will be in response to lockitup group member Zorah's forward of an article that discusses what a woman's hair says about her. The article is below and my response is after it.

This article was found on Bet.com
By Celeste Dawn Mitchell, BET.com Staff Writer
Can you tell anything about a woman’s lifestyle,musical tastes or sexual orientation from herhairstyle? It might sound crazy but men often decide if a woman is their type based on her hair.Kittrina, a 20-year-old college student, has noticed an uptick in the number of men with locs who approach her since switching from chemically relaxed hair to locs eight months ago. “Men with dreadlocks like females who are into the natural look like them,” she says.Marissa, 29, with her super-long, relaxed hair attracts athletic and “everyday” guys. Not one artsy bohemian or brotha with locs in sight.During the three years that I wore locs, the only men who looked my way were men with locs themselves. But now that my locs are history and I’m a curly girl, men of all stripes are approaching me. My locs, I’m convinced, spoke volumes on my behalf. “She doesn’t shave,” my hair seemed to say. “She doesn’t eat meat. She smokes ganja, grows her own fruit and she only wants righteous brothas who praise Jah.” But none of these things were true. Okay, I don’t eat red meat, but I started that practice back in college—and my hair was relaxed at the time! Just to prove that I'm not imagining such preconceived notions, I asked some guys their initial impressions of a woman with locs. They responded with “conscious,”“organic,” “feminist,” “laid-back,” “Rasta,”“vegetarian” and “homeless.”When asked about relaxed hairstyles, these same men described women with those styles as “the norm,”“normal” and “everyday.”And, finally, when asked about close-cropped natural hair, they described women sporting these styles as “smart,” “afrocentric,” “lesbian,” “butch,”“rebellious” and “comfortable with themselves.”

Ladies, think about what your hair is saying. I am not suggesting that you should change your hair to land a man but, if you suspect that your hair is limiting your dating options, get proactive. You might want to offer some encouragement to men who may be writing you off, or writing themselves off, based on your do. Try making extra eye contact or making the first move and initiating a conversation. Men, relax those snap judgments and remember that often a hair style is just a style. As India Arie sang at a recent concert Washington, D.C. concert, “I am not my hair. I am not this skin. I am not your expectations.”Get to know the woman inside.----------What do you think?

BET.comer mrmack says, "I personally like the relaxed hair on women. Straight, curly, braids are all fine with me. But I personally don't like locks on a female. It just looks like a women puts more time into herself, if she goes and gets her hair done at a beauty shop. Not trying to diss anyone, but those are the only type of women I approach."BET.comer SDBryant says, "Oh my gosh I agree! When I'm wearing my hair in a neat afro or natural two strandtwist I go nearly unnoticed...yet on the other hand,when I have my hair in long, tiny braids, the attention is almost irritating. I find it rather ironic and men somewhat shallow."

Here goes...

posted on Lockitup Mon Aug 15, 2005
Thanks Zorah for forwarding this article.

OK, here's my thoughts on the matter... (this is a lil' long)

Although I was HAPPY to get my hair done in whatever state it was,braids, cut, ponytail, perm, or whatever, it never concerned me as to how I would be perceived. All I wanted was something done to this wig. It really did not matter what anyone thought when I decided to get Sisterlocks as far as that is concerned. I just wanted the haircare drama to stop. I already knew I was under opposition being from Texas and the backwards (slave) mentality of many friends, families, and foes I was going to possibly come up against. It is funny because when I wore "human hair" weaves, ponytails and the like that looked NOTHING like my hair or me, it was "great" to everyone. I even thought so myself. It was sort of like assimilation. I guess if I was honest with myself at that time, I probably felt more "accepted" and like "them". Deep, but real.

The million dollar questions should have been, "Do I 'accept' me and exactly 'who' is this them I am trying to be like?" I was living in Sacramento, California only four months in 2000 when I first got two-strand twists. The natural hair lady in town, Akilah, did Sisterlocks and that's when I was first introduced to this way of locking your hair. I am one for researching, so it was some time after that, when I found out about Pat Hunley's website when she was early in her journey. Thank God for her, because I was able to read about the pains and struggles I would possibly have to endure. I sat and watched Akilah retighten a client's hair while waiting for my appointment. It was so intimidating to me, yet intriguing. I saw how at peace the ladies who had naturals and Sisterlocks were. They were so excited. They were older ladies but seemed so youthful and content. I noticed even the younger men and women in the shop who had natural styles and they seemed so suave and regal. I was like, "I want that kind of peace with my hair. What do I have to do to get it?"

After she told me it would be like $500 to get the locks put in, my financial spirit was crushed. I'd just gone from paying $436 a month for my condo mortgage in Houston to $850 for my townhouse in Sac. I was trying to get straight in my head the $30 an hour fee for two-strandtwists, so this was all new to me. Nevertheless, I was still determined to make some kind of transition and get into "save money" gear. I wanted Sisterlocks. My hair was damaged pretty badly and the sweet loctician trimmed the bad parts as best she could after two-strand twisting em'. I thought it was cute. My hair was silky looking and feeling. Something I never knew my own hair could feel like. It was weird,but exciting.

However, I felt different. Exposed. This was MY REAL HAIR. My head did feel a little naked, cause I'd spent so many years with extra "somebody's" hair braided, weaved, crocheted into my hair. I had to embrace it. It was like having a baby for the first time. You are excited about this new addition to your life, and but in a lot of ways you just do not know what to do. You have this "creation" that is to be loved and cared for, but you do not want to harm or hurt it. You just want to do the best you can to take care of it. You also have to "get used" to it. That is where I was. It was easy for a week strutting around Sacramento with my new "look", but I then had to head South and go home. I don't care what people say, there are ALOT of backwards thinking folks in Texas. I know, cause I was one of them.

Thinking back, that was pretty scary and hard at the same time. That was when fear and insecurities set in. The flight from California to Texas was one long agonizing trip. I wasn't sure if I was prepared for the negative feedback. I did, however, anticipate it. I knew it was coming. Folks were used to seeing me in braids and of course someone else's hair in my head. I was use to that, too. I'd worn them more on than off, for ten years.

The first stop was Houston and then to Waco. From the lack of feedback, if any and my assessment, I would guess no one back home liked it and there was this sense of "silence" when folks saw my hair for the first time. I mean, loooonnnnng uncomfortable pregnant pauses. They talked to me while looking "up side" my head. Did I like that feeling? "NO!" Did I have to endure it? "Yes".

For some reason I saw beyond that pain. I wanted Sisterlocks, and if I could not handle how folks felt about my two-strand twists, I was surely in more of a battle when I was going to decide on something more permanent. My sister had traditional locks for over 10 years and I never cared to ask about nor questioned her about her plight. I just knew she never complained or had any trouble.

I had to convince myself that going completely natural was good, I looked good, and I was making the best decision for me. I had to CONVINCE myself. It was very "heady". You know your mind playin' tricks on you. So, although it took almost three years to get to Sisterlocks (11-28-03), I'd say at this point, if I "repelled" any man from approaching me, that was fine. He was just screaming to me that he had hang-ups and insecurities he himself was going to have to face and work through on his own. Why should I bother with that? Most men have been attracted to me, no matter how my hair has looked. I don't know about the others who may have passed me by, but I am sure there were some.

So now, I am back home in Central Texas with my 21 month old Sisterlocks and thankfully anyone whom I run into who has Dreadlocks, Sisterlocks, Naturals, TWAs and the like all seem to be "movers and shakers", which is what I am used to seeing and being around. They "represent" well and of course it makes the transition easy for my sister and me since we're both locked.

There are not many natural hair wearers in Waco, but that is to be expected. This town lives and breathes for perms and braids and weaves and anything that's fake. I know because I lived that existence right here in my hometown for years. The best part about it, is that when folks meet me since returning home is, they are not only inspired, but are motivated to take a deeper look at their own natural beauty. Start questioning their motives about how they view themselves. I also offer an opportunity to teach and educate, which dispels myths and untruths about folks with natural hair and locked hair. I am extremely happy about that.

Nothing has stopped men from approaching me and I get compliments from white men as well. I have had from thugs to white-collar brothers to doctors trying to get to "know me better". As far as the brothers are concerned, as I said, I'd rather be single and free from some insecure man than be needy and willing to take whomever for whatever reason. I'm just not that desperate. If my Sisterlocks repel the deadbeat dudes, then Hip Hip Hoorah!!!

I have plenty of othergifts, talents, abilities, and greater things to bring to the table that automatically make men least likely to approach me if they are shallow, intimated and insecure. Unfortunately and fortunately at the same time that is how it is going to be. For now, I live, I laugh, and I love life as it is being presented to me. When the right one comes around, he will find me. Until then, I will keep gleaning.

Black women and natural beauty article.

Feel like someone's watching you?

posted in lockitup:

I guess since I'm now responsible for retightening my own hair, I
have moved to another level of closeness, ownership and
accountability with my locks. These different stages are something
else.

I remember last summer, I was in Houston at the Dollar General
store. I was standing in line waiting to check out and there was
this young lady standing not far from me soon to check out as well.
I recognized her hair to be completely weaved with straight human
hair. She was a cute girl, but hey, we never know what's going on
in the inside of folks when only looking at the surface. I guess
she saw me and then for some reason she forced herself, it seemed
not to make eye contact with me. I could tell by her body language
that she was uncomfortable and made it her business to look away.
It was the weirdest thing to observe. Maybe, perhaps, she had
a "moment" of conviction or "guilt". She saw that only when masked
with something that wasn't truly her, could she possibly win the
affections and compliments from others.

I know I've been there, knowing good and well I would be receiving
what I humbly consider, "false" compliments. I'd even joke when
folks would compliment me about my braided or weaved hair by
saying "IBM," meaning "I Bought Mine". So we love and honor and
have compassion for everyone because we all are at different stages
of growth in this journey called "life". Old habits are hard to
break, but they are breakable!

The sooner we get back to truth, the faster we get on to freedom.

Dreaded Word-Nap Politics in the Church

"spottedcatwomen"wrote:
I went to church today with my Sisterlocks wild and free. I was so
proud of myself for making it to church. During the service the
preacher mentioned the importance of ones appearance. He said," Why
would you look for a job with dreadlocks, sagging pants...etc" The
back of my neck became hot...LOL.

Is anyone else considering keeping their SLs above their shoulders?


Hey Eve,

I want mine to grow at this point just to see how long they can get.
I've always had short hair for whatever reason. When I had my hair
braided, I loved putting it up in a ponytail and getting it out of my
face. I look forward to doing the same thing with my OWN hair and not
any I bought from the Asian Beauty Supply shop.

As far as looking for a job in "dredlocks", the pastor probably still
needs some educating. You can have a perm and still show up looking
inappropriate for anyone to hire. The last job I was on, I worked for
an international management consulting firm. My locks had no negative
impact on me doing business with presidents and owners of companies.
All they saw was a very confident and professional looking sister
sitting down doing business with them. I could tell in how they
treated me with much respect and professionalism.

There are benefits in having Sisterlocks. Our attitude reflects our
beauty, our confidence exudes our self-assuredness, our pep in our
step with our head held high, truly reveals our pride. So, I'm
thankful that I have my Sisterlocks and hope that we all present that
peace, love and joy that we get from the true freedom from bondage.
If we don't look and act free, why would anyone want what we have?
Me, I'm a be free!!! Thanks for sharing!

Maryee
SL'd almost 20 months

http://www.maryee.com

Hey Are Those Sisterlocks?

Posted in Lockitup: 29995

Since my sister and I have relocated to the big city of WACO, we
anticipated having trouble with folks even understanding our hair.
Most of the folks just look and don't ask questions. But you can
see the curiosity in their eyes. We drove by a place called "Nappy
Roots" and just knew they specialized in natural hair. Well we go
in and there's this young guy cutting this 12 yr old boy's hair with
some chairs lined up (for folks waiting) and that was about it. He
was excited to see us, but admitted flatly that he couldn't help
us. He'd never even heard of Sisterlocks, so we allowed him to
examine our hair (touch it and all). He bout' came unglued when we
told him how much it cost as far as certification was concerned and
then what it cost us to get our hair locked and retightened. He
couldn't even imagine the potential expense. He thought it was
temporary until we told him it was permanent unless we cut it off.
He then understood a lil' better after that.

He then kindly called another lady up, who came to town from Seattle
Washington who we then went to go see. Her place was called A Head
of Time. She's not certified but does deal in natural hair. My
sister Jen wants to get a good shampoo because we don't have good
water pressure where we live. So we'll have to make a trip to
Dallas to see Elaine, when I get that scheduled. We have gotten
compliments, but folks really don't know what to say or think. I
say, Gurl, these are wonderful!! You should get cha some!

Thin Crown

Post from lockitup:

Maryee,

Thanks your photos helps me feel more patient toward this process. I was so
discouraged when I got up and looked in the mirror and saw a thinning lock. It
was depressing especially after slowly getting over the picked hen look. My hair
is about the length you had in picture 17 and almost as spacey.

Thanks again

Bella

"Maryee" wrote:
Congrats! You will be pleased. I had/have thinning hair on top from
14 years of braids on and off and perms and the whole nine. Although
I still have the "thin" spot on top, my entire Sisterlock look over
compensates for the thinness. It's a doggone shame cause I can get up
and leave out the house and never even look in the mirror to "check"
to make sure my hair is in place. The stage it is in (17 months)
allows me to pretty much shake my hair or run my fingers through it
and be out the door. Such liberation!

Importance of Check-ins

Post from Ve in lockitup:


Well I'm at it again. Pondering world peace and my beautiful
sisterlocks. It was Maryee's email a while back that solved an
issue I had with a few spindly looking locs. Turned out that over
styling via (braid-outs, twist-outs) was the culprit. I've been
free styingfor the past few months and all is well.

Now I've been back in the mirror examining my beautiful locs and
noticed "gaps" or "loops" in my locs. No real pattern per se, some
are close to the new growth and others are in the middle and some
are 3/4 down the length of the loc. I remembered a sister posting a
long time ago about this problem so I knew this was not a issue I
should shrug off.

I've taken the retightening class so I've been doing my own hair
since June last year. I see my consultant about every 8 weeks.
I had my consultant check out my hair on Friday during my
retightening session. It turns out that again (I) am making fatal
errors during the retightening rotation. I am following my loc
pattern (basic 4) but I have been inadvertently inserting the loc
tool in the same hole. My consultant showed me how avoid this
problem going forward. She's also repairing the problem locs and
showed me how to do it was well. I'm going to let her do the repair
because you really need to see the loop in order to fix it and it's
hard to do looking in a mirror. If I had not caught this error I
would undoubtedly have broken locs down the line. This is not a set-
back just another wrong turn on the journey. I am still enjoying
the love affair with my hair.

Just pointing out the importance of examining your locs and periodic
check-in's with your consultant.

Ve
SL 17 months

Hey Ve,

I have laid low on even touching my hair since I had those "thinning
strands" and all seems to be well. I'm in my "whitegirlitis" stage,
shaking my head and feeling my hair swish on the back of my neck and
ears. It's such a funny feeling. Having all this body and no perm
to give it it's fullness and beauty. It's really growing and I
ain't complainin'. I hope to take the retightening class this month
some time, so I'll keep the group posted on that as well. Checking
in with our consultant is very important. Keep us posted on
your "looping" findings. Take care!

Maryee

Thin locks Question (Thanks Everybody for your replies)

Posted in Lockitup:

Hey Luvi, Sandy, Jeri, Maranndme, Jennifer & Debbie,

Thanks for all your feedback. I really appreciate all that you
shared. I'll definitely have to check out the Wheatgrass. I've had
some before at good ole' Jamba Juice, but I'll head by Trader Joe's
to see what they have.

I do not eat beef or pork, so it may be protein that I am low on. I
drink plenty of liquids (mostly water) and don't drink soda and eat
junk. I mostly wear my hair "free-style" (with little fuss) and
when my consultant retightened my hair before Christmas she didn't
say the thinning was all that bad.

I was just wondering if anyone else had seen this kind of thinning.
It's only 2 strands, so it's not a whole head full of problems,
Thank God!!! Well, I'll keep ya posted. I'll send the pictures to
my consultant and see if she has any other feedback.


Q & A from a consultant:

Re: Thin locks Question (Alandria)

My answers are below Alandria's questions.

My name is Alandria Clarke and I am a Sisterlock Consultant in
Miami, Florida. After reviewing your locks, I thought that I should
respond to you. First, Questions and reasons for you to consider:

Q. Are you wearing a band across the front of your head?
Reason: Bands worn constantly may cause breakage at the scalp and in
the middle of the locks.

A. Nope, rarely if ever.


Q. Are you wearing your hair pulled back in ponytails?
Reason: Sometimes, unknowingly, the hair maybe strained and is
weakened which leads to breakage.

A. Nope, Not long enough yet.


Q. Are you wearing a cap during Showers and baths?
Reason: Constantly wetting your hair (like daily showers) will dry
your locks which lead to breakage.

A. Yes- That may be the culprit. I have/use the SL reconditioner,
but I have always had a "dry" head of hair. My consultant knows
about that.

Q. Are you maintaining your retightening schedule (i.e. not
missing or prolonging appointments)?
Reason: When you think that you are trying to save a few bucks by
trying to extend your appointments the new growth (baby) hair in the
front of your hair is not as thick as at the crown and therefore can
be strained which again will lead to breakage.

A. Yes, every 7-8 weeks.

These are just a few of the questions that should be asked. Discuss
your daily habits with your consultant and I am sure that together
you can rectify the problem.

I haven't heard back from my consultant yet, so hopefully I'll share
her feedback with the group. Thankfully it's only 2 strands, so I'm
not tripping. Before I had sisterlocks, I cut my hair down to a
fade, so losing hair or cutting off one stand ain't no big deal.

Also, don't stress... that doesn't help.


These are just a few of the questions that you should ask yourself
and discuss with your consultant.

Thanks Alandria!

11 Months Sisterlocks and Still Lovin' It!

Posted in Lockitup:

See, I am just loving this journey. What can I say, but thank you
Lord for Sisterlocks! Thank you Lord, for Dr. Cornwell, Pat Hunley's
website, and LockitUP! OH, and thank you Lord for Imani Nash-Bey, my
consultant! This has truly been a blessing learning so
much about my hair, myself, and meeting on line and in person so many
strong and beautiful women and men of color. You have been the
best!

I saw this lady at a church in Temecula, Ca last weekend who had
blondish color Sisterlocks and they were slammin'. She was dancing
and praising the Lord, with her locks mesmerizing all who looked on.
She said was in year number 2. I'm looking forward to coloring my hair,
but I have gotten used to the two-toned look. My sister Jen is
enjoying her locks as well. Take care!

Maryee

Should I color or lock my hair first?

Posted in Lockitup:

I got my hair colored 2 days before my locking session. My consultant
told me that if I wanted it colored, to get it done before. She also
told me that if I want to "re-color" it, I'd have to wait a year. I
guess it makes sense, seeing how it slows the locking process down.
I love my two-toned hair, but am looking forward to my "option" to re-
color it after next month (1year!!!) Hope this helps.

Maryee's at 8 months! Jen Close behind

Posted In Lockitup:


I've been lurking on the group for the past few months and totally
enjoying the "spoilage" of having Sisterlocks. "Bad hair days"?
Only if I agree or submit to the idea. Rainy day today? I say,
Yippiee!!





Since getting mine 11-28-03, my sister has some (she'll make 7
months on Friday), and a friend of mine from church got hers on
Memorial Day! Needless to say, we're the "buzz" around church I
suspect. Anyway, I wanted to send the link with some updated pics.
I will send another one a little later with my sister's locks. I
swear her hair is outgrowing mine, but you can judge for yourself
when you see her pictures compared to mine. But I won't hate, I'll
congratulate! :-)

Family Ambush

Posted in Lockitup as a response to another member sharing with us about how her family ambushed her concerning her locks in a negative way. Here's my take on the matter:

Re: Family Ambush! (long)-Maryee

Michelle,

When I went home to Houston over the holidays I only had my locks in
about a month. So you know it was during the baby stage where
there's really no controlling the locks.

A close girlfriend of mine kept looking up side my head as to want
to "straighten" the "wild" pieces. She held out as long as she could
and finally blurted out, "Are you going to put that in place?"
(meaning my hair). I politely smiled at her and said, "It is in
place and exactly where it's supposed to be. They are my wild
teenagers and there's no controlling them at this point."

Not so sure my reply satisfied her need to "shape and correct" my
mini lock fro, but I guess it sufficed. All she's known in her 50
years is perm, perm, perm. She meant no harm, it was just "different"
seeing me like that up close and personal.

In Texas, it's a lil' hard in some areas where "permed" hair gives
over the allusion that you are cleaner, smarter, and prettier, and
that to have locks or natural hair means otherwise. It's like this
hidden shame.

My 74 year old aunt shouted at me back in April when I went to visit
in Houston also, "I don't like those dredlocks!" I told
her, "Auntie, this is the same hair from the picture I sent you in
the mail in January where you said I looked beautiful. These are not
Dredlocks, they are called Sisterlocks". Not so sure if trying to
explain the difference helped any or mattered one way or another
to her. She already had her opinions (deep rooted) about nappy hair.
I guess the picture didn't depict my locks and when she got a "close-up"
she decided to change her mind. The picture I'm talking about is in my
photo link with the pink background. It does look like unlocked hair in the
picture, so I guess she just assumed otherwise. She too, forgot she saw me in
December as well.

I'm too at peace to be bothered with other folks not feeling me and
my Sisterlocks. My dad hates em' on me and my sister. Oh well! My
mom just goes along with whatever my and Jen come up with. Jen had
traditional locks some years back, so this shouldn't be that much of
a surprise to family and friends. They're just sweet ole' country
folks. :-)

I'm sooo thrilled to have Sisterlocks I could just shout! God bless
America, and God bless Dr. Cornwell.

I could write (and I just may do that one day) a book on all of my
haircare dramas alone over the past 25 years and I'm only 33. It's
been just that deep. Well, just wanted to share a blurb on my family
ambush.

Still debating on heading down to San Diego on Saturday for the reunion. If so, I'll
see ya folks there. Take care!

Maryee
Sisterlocked almost 8 months! :-)

Note:
My aunt Gustine I am speaking about has since gone on to be with the Lord on 9-1-05. May she continually rest in peace.

Maryee and Jen's Sisterlock Journey

posted in Lockitup:

I made 3 months on Feb. 28th. Yippee!!!!

It's so interesting how SLs look on different people even folks
related to each other.

My hair for the most part is straight all over. They look more like
small braids rather than locks to most folks. I'm kind when folks
start "reaching" for my hair to "touch" it. When you check out my
pics in the links section with my hair "standing at attention" as my
sister says, that's how they look until I spray em' with Tea Tree
water to help them lay down. (at ease soldiers!) Since they are
growing, I don't roll em' up that much. Pretty much only for church or
a special event, for the sake of "volume". I'll probably dig the free
flow a little better when I get more length. My hair is locking more
in the back than anywhere else. And yes, I always have my hands in
my hair.

My sister Jen's sisterlocks on the other hand are tight, thick and
curly. They don't even look as long as they appear until you grab
and pull on a lock and go whoa! It's pretty long! She has a very
very tight curl pattern. Her locks are thicker, because she wanted
her locks to be as close to BLs as possible, so they are larger than
mine. Her only problem is her top. She got "ingin" in her blood, so
the top is just as straight and comes loose almost all the time,
shortly after her retightening. It's something she anticipated
anyway. She's grown her own dreads in the past and her hair was past
her shoulders. As a matter of fact, her hair is locking faster than
mine because she was SLd on Dec 13th.

Can you believe I'm sort of jealous of her locks? If I can get her
to sit still long enough I will take some pictures of her hair. It
was too dark in the room when she was locked, so the pics don't show
her "hair" too well.

Also, I colored my hair 2 days before getting SLd. Jen, on the other
hand has dark, dark, dark brown (ok-black) hair. It's cool when
folks see us together. They don't believe we both have SLs. OK
enough morning babble. Just thought I'd catch ya'll up on
me and my sister's "natural hair affair". Blessings!


The picture below was taken in January for our Church directory. I know I was looking cute with my Sisterlocks!

My first message to the Lockitup Yahoo group

Hey SL/BL family,

I joined the family on November 28th and I just signed up to Lockitup
last night, shall I say. Sandy, thanks for your yahoo group. I
finally figured out how to upload the pictures from my mini dvd to my
computer. It's only a mere 11 days worth of Journey, but I thought
it would be nice to share. I think I will use the yahoo photos to
document the "growth".

Thanks to Imani of Pomona, Ca for hookin' a sistah up!! It took
right under 8 hours. My sister and I see her in the morning for her
consultation. I'd say, Sisterlocks can be contagious. My sister saw
my attitude and spirit change (for the better) once I got my
Sisterlocks! It was three years in the making (time, money, and the
right consultant), but I'm in, Praise God!

I received many compliments already and sistahs are inquiring about
the Sisterlock process. It appears that there are a lot of sistahs
who want to be chemically, weave, braid, etc. free, but may have a
fear of taking the big step! Me, I'm just thrilled to not
have "other People's hair" in my head anymore!!! So, shout back and
let me know what you think. I hope you are able to see the pics. Let
me know if you have trouble. Peace and blessings!

Most of the pics from my beginning stages are here on the blog or on my fotki account.