Are You New To The Natural Hair Blogging Community?

I was asked off-line how to "join-in" on the fun from a person who's new to the online blogging community. Less than two years ago, there were only a few folks actively blogging about their natural hair. Now the online blogging community is growing by the day. Do a Sisterlocks Blog Search and see what I mean. Here's my own personal tips for those beginning the blogging journey. Others may have a different opinion:

Invitation? There's no real "invitation" to join in on the online blog community of natural/locked women/men. The Locked Hair Blog Exchange is by invitation if you'd like your locked hair blog in the Exchange, but for all other groups, you sign up and you're in. A lot of Sisterlocked women began their online connection from what I gather, from three main places: The Yahoo Group Lockitup, on Fotki, and the other largest community of natural hair/locked women, Nappturality. The relationships form as you post your questions and give feedback on other's journeys or your own. If you haven't joined these groups, do so ASAP and begin making comments. Spend time reading the archives, for they will provide a lot of answers to questions you have.

Making your blog a place folks want to visit. The online locked hair community wants to see pictures, pictures, pictures. And believe it or not, getting a good look at your hair is more important than seeing your face. Take good shots in good lighting so your hair can be seen. If it's not a good picture, don't waste your time uploading it.

"We be" an educated group of folk. Most of the bloggers are educated and don't enjoy visiting blogs where there's a lot of slang, typos and just plain bad grammar going on. We all have "slang" moments, but when the blog shows no form of intelligence, it may hamper visitors who will return. Although I will say there's a small niche of folk who dig that stuff. Ask yourself, if you'd enjoy reading your posts and looking at your own pictures a week, month, or year from now. That will help you in determining if posting the content or pictures is worth it. I have quite a few "drafted" posts that I didn't want to delete, but didn't feel needed to be public on my blog for whatever reason.

Keeping it current, will keep them coming. Or maybe not. Keeping your blog fairly current helps. When you are new out, don't expect because you keep your blog current that folks should be visiting it or commenting on what you have to say. You may not have readers yet, but don't stop blogging. However, when a blog isn't updated regularly it's a natural progression to stop visiting it. Trust me, I have a few dormant blogs that need major updating, so I know! I don't even visit my own old stale blogs! Ha! But seriously, try and update regularly. So as to not overwhelm you, regularly doesn't mean once a day. Once a week is just fine, and if time is an issue, once a month. Just try and keep it current.

You've found some blogs you like. What do you do next? Comment, Comment, Comment! Don't ask for comments back, but simply comment on what you like and what you're curious about. That's how the ball gets rolling. It lets one know you've been by to check out their blog/album and liked what you saw. Anyone who's interested in you and your journey will naturally visit your blog/album and comment back. Don't be offended if no one comments or if you comment on someone's blog/fotki and he or she don't return the favor. We never know why folks do or don't do the things they do and there's no use in being over sensitive about it or quivering over it. Try not to take offense or over analyze the situation. Just keep visiting blogs you like and comment on what interests you.

To link or not to link? That is the question. Don't worry about asking to "link" someone else's blog to yours. It's a courtesy to ask, but not really necessary. Most bloggers are honored you've linked to their blogs and that keeps them motivated to blog more often. Don't be offended if you link to someone's blog but they don't link yours back. You linked to theirs because you chose to. Give them that same courtesy to make their own decision to link you and if they don't link you, don't trip. Some folks may be too lazy (like me), too busy(like me) or simply choose not to for their own reasons (like Jen-she told me to add that :-)). Some may not want tons of links on their blogs. Some may not know how to link. Some don't want the pressure or bother. Don't lose sleep over it.

Why link? Linking other's blog to yours helps in search engines as well as gives one a quick reference to their blogs of choice. Blog rolling is helpful also because you can put all your favorite blogs in your blogline and update your settings to show only updated posts in the blogs. That's nice and cuts down on wasted time revisiting someone else's blog only to find out they haven't updated it. Bummer. Us avid bloggers/blog readers can be so demanding. :-)

Everything is "self-selecting" and hopefully not guilt filled when it comes to sharing in the online blog community. Folks will comment if they want to and if they choose not to, that's their prerogative. Some online relationships come fast, and others it takes a while. In some cases, no relationship will come no matter how much you want it, and that's ok, too. It's like seeing that person you'd wish would just acknowledge your presence, and ask you to join in their circle, but they never even notice you. It's like that some times. Nothing to lose sleep over. It's called "Life".

The Whole World Can See You. Remember that your blog can be viewed by the entire world so use discretion in what you say and share. Especially personal info, job related stuff, and anything else that can be used against you in a court of law! If you want to be semi-anonymous, use an online name. Some folks only show pictures of their hair, and block their faces out, which is just fine. Employers/Job Recruiters can google you so make sure you are aware of what you say. Unfortunately there are some real mean folks out there and blogging is a very open and vulnerable venue in which a lot of "you" is shared with the masses. Just be aware and careful.

Watch out for Crazies, including yourself. Unfortunately there will be some bloggers new to the scene who visit other's blogs just to start confusion. I've seen it before and thankfully have experienced it rarely in my blogs. They probably didn't read this blog post or researched on line about how to conduct yourself as a blogger who has blog nettiquite. If you stumble upon a blog that you don't like, do yourself a favor and #1 DO NOT comment on what you don't like, and #2 NEVER visit that blog again. For the most part, the bloggers won't know how you feel, and it's best to just keep it to yourself. Don't go visiting someone's blog to "check" them. Leave them alone. There have been some ugly "cyber cat fights" on line and it's just a shame and a hot mess. If you are a rabble rouser in public, then I'm sure you're gonna start mess on line. Some folks just like drama and have no problem seeking on line. Go back and look at your blog, and if it has more of a negative, complaining, antagonistic spirit about it, you must know that "out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth (blog) speaks". So watch out for Crazies, including yourself.

Maryee's last piece of advice. If you really want to document your journey on line for others to see, do it! If it's with conditions that you must have "relationships"/Comments to keep you motivated in doing it, then you must check your motives. If you want comments, simply invite those who visit your blog to do so...no pressure. One of the craziest things I've done is visit someone's blog and actually comment in my head but find I'm too tired/lazy to sign on to comment. I'm super busy and zip in and zip out without commenting sometimes. I then re-visit their blogs later and could have "sworn" I commented, but I didn't cause I did it in my head and not in their blog. That always weirds me out!

Why blog? Blog because it's therapeutic for you and you want to chart your growth in all areas of your life. Blog because you are a budding writer and want to hone your craft. Blog because you are tapping into your creative juices and getting real good at technology along the way. Blog because you really want to chart your hair journey. Blog because you want to meet some "like-minded" people on line world wide and need the support and inspiration. Blog to make new friends. Blog to let friends and family see your hair growth and pictures. What ever the case, blog because you want to have fun! But remember, blogging takes work and a bit of commitment. The nicest blogs didn't get that way overnight. Those bloggers "added" a new room to their house, called a "blog". And they've been working on it to make it just right to suit their tastes and all who visit their humble abode. Oh yeah, there's also a Myspace community of Sisterlockers and on FaceBook. Let the revolution begin!!!!!!! Happy Blogging!!!

For more tips on blogging for beginners, check out this link.

Reflections on Going Natural and Getting Locked

This was an "essay" I posted in Lockitup back in July. I thought I'd share it on my blog. Straight from the heart!

Most women want to have natural hair, locks, twists and the whole nine, but as many of us have experienced on our own, we initially allowed misconceptions and other people's perception of us and themselves cloud our decision-making process. You can add to the list, but as I reflect, when I first wanted to get my hair locked five years ago, there were a variety of things that plagued my thoughts. Some of you may or may not have experienced some of the things I did. A lot of the drama occurred in my own mind.

I thought…

1. My hair was nappy, which equated to a negative perception of myself.
2. Braids were acceptable, because they didn't make my hair appear so "nappy" (I even permed the edges so my hair would match the synthetic or human hair). Deep huh?
3. I wanted to feel good about myself with the way I looked and going natural didn't give me that kind of motivation, desire or feeling.
4. I didn't want to endure the stares, questions and opinions of others if I went natural. As we all know anytime we change any look others are used to seeing us in, there is always potential opposition.
5. I didn't think I would look "pretty" or "nice" or "neat" with natural hair.
6. More so than our non-black counterparts, the grief mostly came from family and friends.
7. I remember when I first got my hair two strand twisted, everyone just “stared”. They didn’t know what to say as to not offend me with their opinion of my hair style. Maybe it was a Texas thing.
8. The curse of wanting straight hair because it was more "socially" acceptable always lurked into my thoughts.
9. I did not have a healthy understanding or appreciation of my natural roots, no pun intended. :-)
10. I looked in the mirror and when I saw nappy roots or edges, I considered my hair and myself ugly, unattractive, and unappealing.
11. Looking in magazines and on TV, the percentage of permed straight hair out weighed natural styles, with the exception of braids (with other people's hair in my head).
12. I was scared and fearful of the potential outcome, especially if I didn't like it.
13. I was afraid of rejection by others.
14. I was not willing to endure the suffering (growing pains) while the change was occurring.
15. Although I saw my sister with dreadlocks for like ten years+, it never occurred to me I could have the same freedom although I longed for it.
16. I knew that at some point I would go completely natural, and each step I made moved me to the next level. So I wore braids with natural hair underneath for years.
17. I saw the spirit and confidence of others who wore natural styles and I felt like I was left out.
18. When I saw sisters and brothers alike who wore dreds, locks, or natural styles, they seemed more in tune with themselves (their spirit) and less pretentious.
19. Having friends or family say, "Girl, your hair is nappy, you need a perm" or "why don't you just get a texturizer", or whatever always seemed to urk me. It was like I cramped their style because I wanted my hair to be natural.
20. Although I knew how much drudgery was involved in getting my hair braided, unbraided, finding a good braider, taking care of my hair in it's natural state, I kept braids in for over ten years all the while watching my hair thin out on top with only my fear and laziness to blame.

Now I threw this list together from just freethinking. There were probably more things I struggled with to get me over the hump and getting on with life concerning my "hair care drama", or as my sister Jen calls it, "chemical dependency". It took a series of steps to get me to where I am today, and boy am I thankful.

As women we ought to do ourselves a favor and begin to tell ourselves the truth about how we feel about ourselves. I guess the question is, "Where is the love?" Can we love ourselves no matter what state we are in? Can we tell ourselves the truth and if the truth is a "lie", meaning that we are lying to ourselves, can we face that "lye" head on and tell the truth? I don't know, but I'm thankful that the closer I get to "Truth", the more free I be! Freedom has it's privileges, don't you think?

T.W.'s reply in lockitup:

I think you just about covered the myriad of feelings we all went through before
making the BIG decision to get SLs. Even now I have those moments when I feel
"less than ____" (fill in the blank with "attractive" "accepted" "socially
acceptable" or whatever) because of my hair. But believe me those moments
quickly dissipate and are becoming far and few between. But then too I see the
sistas with the perms and long braids or weaves parading around, flicking their
hair and putting on a front that they are "attractive" "accepted" whatever, but
I have to admit I feel a tinge of pity for them because I see them as being fake
just like the white girls with the collagen lips. "C'mon, you and everybody else
knows you weren't born that way," I want to say to them. Even my 71-year old
mother, bless her heart, told me she just didn't feel attractive when she wore
her hair in a TWA. She'd rather press the mess out of it and have it laying greased and stuck to her head in, what I would never tell her, is really the most unattractive look, always concerned about the weather making it "go back". Umph, umph, umph.

I may have my moments of feeling "less than", but it is a better feeling than
the way I used to feel when I would get compliments on my weave or braided
styles. I always felt insincere and awkward saying "Thank you." Now when I get
compliments on my SL's a very sincere "Thank you" seems to come from somewhere
else in my being. I'm me the way God intended. Those who have problems with my
natural look.....that's just it....their problem.

Why I call it a Journey

I always say, we are always headed in some direction. That very statement implies we are on a "trip" or a "journey". Along the way we experience bumps in the road, forks in the road, breakdowns, we run out of gas, the engine gets overheated, we need to "refuel", we need a new overhaul, and in most cases we have to stop and ask ourselves, "Am I going in the right direction?"

Upon that answer, we have to tell ourselves the truth and the truth may mean, starting all over, and doing things the right way. A journey. That's a good place, especially when you at least have an idea of where you're going. Most journeys we can never be fully prepared for, but with courage, we can make our way! The men of old said, "the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." I am thankful for all the men and women who have decided to take that first step and going a direction that leads them to freedom and not bondage. May we continue to take courage no matter how small the first step may be.

What a woman's hair says about her

Since I have a blog pretty much devoted to Sisterlocks, I decided to go back into the archives of our on-line yahoo group, lockitup and pull all my "essays" out and put em' in my blog. I figure if I'm gonna write a book one day, I might as well keep all my research and info in one place. So, with that being said, my first "essay" will be in response to lockitup group member Zorah's forward of an article that discusses what a woman's hair says about her. The article is below and my response is after it.

This article was found on Bet.com
By Celeste Dawn Mitchell, BET.com Staff Writer
Can you tell anything about a woman’s lifestyle,musical tastes or sexual orientation from herhairstyle? It might sound crazy but men often decide if a woman is their type based on her hair.Kittrina, a 20-year-old college student, has noticed an uptick in the number of men with locs who approach her since switching from chemically relaxed hair to locs eight months ago. “Men with dreadlocks like females who are into the natural look like them,” she says.Marissa, 29, with her super-long, relaxed hair attracts athletic and “everyday” guys. Not one artsy bohemian or brotha with locs in sight.During the three years that I wore locs, the only men who looked my way were men with locs themselves. But now that my locs are history and I’m a curly girl, men of all stripes are approaching me. My locs, I’m convinced, spoke volumes on my behalf. “She doesn’t shave,” my hair seemed to say. “She doesn’t eat meat. She smokes ganja, grows her own fruit and she only wants righteous brothas who praise Jah.” But none of these things were true. Okay, I don’t eat red meat, but I started that practice back in college—and my hair was relaxed at the time! Just to prove that I'm not imagining such preconceived notions, I asked some guys their initial impressions of a woman with locs. They responded with “conscious,”“organic,” “feminist,” “laid-back,” “Rasta,”“vegetarian” and “homeless.”When asked about relaxed hairstyles, these same men described women with those styles as “the norm,”“normal” and “everyday.”And, finally, when asked about close-cropped natural hair, they described women sporting these styles as “smart,” “afrocentric,” “lesbian,” “butch,”“rebellious” and “comfortable with themselves.”

Ladies, think about what your hair is saying. I am not suggesting that you should change your hair to land a man but, if you suspect that your hair is limiting your dating options, get proactive. You might want to offer some encouragement to men who may be writing you off, or writing themselves off, based on your do. Try making extra eye contact or making the first move and initiating a conversation. Men, relax those snap judgments and remember that often a hair style is just a style. As India Arie sang at a recent concert Washington, D.C. concert, “I am not my hair. I am not this skin. I am not your expectations.”Get to know the woman inside.----------What do you think?

BET.comer mrmack says, "I personally like the relaxed hair on women. Straight, curly, braids are all fine with me. But I personally don't like locks on a female. It just looks like a women puts more time into herself, if she goes and gets her hair done at a beauty shop. Not trying to diss anyone, but those are the only type of women I approach."BET.comer SDBryant says, "Oh my gosh I agree! When I'm wearing my hair in a neat afro or natural two strandtwist I go nearly unnoticed...yet on the other hand,when I have my hair in long, tiny braids, the attention is almost irritating. I find it rather ironic and men somewhat shallow."

Here goes...

posted on Lockitup Mon Aug 15, 2005
Thanks Zorah for forwarding this article.

OK, here's my thoughts on the matter... (this is a lil' long)

Although I was HAPPY to get my hair done in whatever state it was,braids, cut, ponytail, perm, or whatever, it never concerned me as to how I would be perceived. All I wanted was something done to this wig. It really did not matter what anyone thought when I decided to get Sisterlocks as far as that is concerned. I just wanted the haircare drama to stop. I already knew I was under opposition being from Texas and the backwards (slave) mentality of many friends, families, and foes I was going to possibly come up against. It is funny because when I wore "human hair" weaves, ponytails and the like that looked NOTHING like my hair or me, it was "great" to everyone. I even thought so myself. It was sort of like assimilation. I guess if I was honest with myself at that time, I probably felt more "accepted" and like "them". Deep, but real.

The million dollar questions should have been, "Do I 'accept' me and exactly 'who' is this them I am trying to be like?" I was living in Sacramento, California only four months in 2000 when I first got two-strand twists. The natural hair lady in town, Akilah, did Sisterlocks and that's when I was first introduced to this way of locking your hair. I am one for researching, so it was some time after that, when I found out about Pat Hunley's website when she was early in her journey. Thank God for her, because I was able to read about the pains and struggles I would possibly have to endure. I sat and watched Akilah retighten a client's hair while waiting for my appointment. It was so intimidating to me, yet intriguing. I saw how at peace the ladies who had naturals and Sisterlocks were. They were so excited. They were older ladies but seemed so youthful and content. I noticed even the younger men and women in the shop who had natural styles and they seemed so suave and regal. I was like, "I want that kind of peace with my hair. What do I have to do to get it?"

After she told me it would be like $500 to get the locks put in, my financial spirit was crushed. I'd just gone from paying $436 a month for my condo mortgage in Houston to $850 for my townhouse in Sac. I was trying to get straight in my head the $30 an hour fee for two-strandtwists, so this was all new to me. Nevertheless, I was still determined to make some kind of transition and get into "save money" gear. I wanted Sisterlocks. My hair was damaged pretty badly and the sweet loctician trimmed the bad parts as best she could after two-strand twisting em'. I thought it was cute. My hair was silky looking and feeling. Something I never knew my own hair could feel like. It was weird,but exciting.

However, I felt different. Exposed. This was MY REAL HAIR. My head did feel a little naked, cause I'd spent so many years with extra "somebody's" hair braided, weaved, crocheted into my hair. I had to embrace it. It was like having a baby for the first time. You are excited about this new addition to your life, and but in a lot of ways you just do not know what to do. You have this "creation" that is to be loved and cared for, but you do not want to harm or hurt it. You just want to do the best you can to take care of it. You also have to "get used" to it. That is where I was. It was easy for a week strutting around Sacramento with my new "look", but I then had to head South and go home. I don't care what people say, there are ALOT of backwards thinking folks in Texas. I know, cause I was one of them.

Thinking back, that was pretty scary and hard at the same time. That was when fear and insecurities set in. The flight from California to Texas was one long agonizing trip. I wasn't sure if I was prepared for the negative feedback. I did, however, anticipate it. I knew it was coming. Folks were used to seeing me in braids and of course someone else's hair in my head. I was use to that, too. I'd worn them more on than off, for ten years.

The first stop was Houston and then to Waco. From the lack of feedback, if any and my assessment, I would guess no one back home liked it and there was this sense of "silence" when folks saw my hair for the first time. I mean, loooonnnnng uncomfortable pregnant pauses. They talked to me while looking "up side" my head. Did I like that feeling? "NO!" Did I have to endure it? "Yes".

For some reason I saw beyond that pain. I wanted Sisterlocks, and if I could not handle how folks felt about my two-strand twists, I was surely in more of a battle when I was going to decide on something more permanent. My sister had traditional locks for over 10 years and I never cared to ask about nor questioned her about her plight. I just knew she never complained or had any trouble.

I had to convince myself that going completely natural was good, I looked good, and I was making the best decision for me. I had to CONVINCE myself. It was very "heady". You know your mind playin' tricks on you. So, although it took almost three years to get to Sisterlocks (11-28-03), I'd say at this point, if I "repelled" any man from approaching me, that was fine. He was just screaming to me that he had hang-ups and insecurities he himself was going to have to face and work through on his own. Why should I bother with that? Most men have been attracted to me, no matter how my hair has looked. I don't know about the others who may have passed me by, but I am sure there were some.

So now, I am back home in Central Texas with my 21 month old Sisterlocks and thankfully anyone whom I run into who has Dreadlocks, Sisterlocks, Naturals, TWAs and the like all seem to be "movers and shakers", which is what I am used to seeing and being around. They "represent" well and of course it makes the transition easy for my sister and me since we're both locked.

There are not many natural hair wearers in Waco, but that is to be expected. This town lives and breathes for perms and braids and weaves and anything that's fake. I know because I lived that existence right here in my hometown for years. The best part about it, is that when folks meet me since returning home is, they are not only inspired, but are motivated to take a deeper look at their own natural beauty. Start questioning their motives about how they view themselves. I also offer an opportunity to teach and educate, which dispels myths and untruths about folks with natural hair and locked hair. I am extremely happy about that.

Nothing has stopped men from approaching me and I get compliments from white men as well. I have had from thugs to white-collar brothers to doctors trying to get to "know me better". As far as the brothers are concerned, as I said, I'd rather be single and free from some insecure man than be needy and willing to take whomever for whatever reason. I'm just not that desperate. If my Sisterlocks repel the deadbeat dudes, then Hip Hip Hoorah!!!

I have plenty of othergifts, talents, abilities, and greater things to bring to the table that automatically make men least likely to approach me if they are shallow, intimated and insecure. Unfortunately and fortunately at the same time that is how it is going to be. For now, I live, I laugh, and I love life as it is being presented to me. When the right one comes around, he will find me. Until then, I will keep gleaning.

Black women and natural beauty article.